Fuck cycling....

I woke up today with the hangover from hell. If ever there was a hangover that the devil created, this was it. A whole band of drummers decided to use my head as a big public drum to hammer different rhythms. One part of my stomach had obviously said to the other "Hey, mate. You know what we should do?" "What?" "Lets re-enact the battle of Somme". And my mouth felt like the battle of Somme one week later. I bet I could kill an undead with my breath. Brushed my teeth thoroughly twice, and I could still taste the horrible taste. If you haven't done it yet, I strongly recommend you not to get drunk. Getting drunk can cause you to; dance(and not in a pretty way), hook up with really REALLY ugly persons, hook up with the wrong person(e.g. your ex's sister/brother which isn't all that bad but it could fuck things up), talk to strangers in a foreign language(although that can sometimes be quite amusing). These are the more positive consequenses. You could also end up throwing up and talk crap to everyone, or worst case start crying that you miss your ex. Thank God I've never done the last one.

But back to the main topic of today; cyclists. The reason I mention the hangover from hell is because I was woken up this morning by the national championship in cycling(the lads that go to France and does the Tour de France thing). The cyclists weren't the problem. The problem was the crowd and the loud music. Have they no fucking respect? One thing is that they don't show any consideration for us normal people who went out and got drunk the other day, but they start the racket a 9 AM in the FUCKING MORNING! ON A FUCKING SUNDAY!!!!! Whenever I do something on a Sunday it's after church time, or after noon which is usually when church is over on Sundays. It's common fuckin courtesy and tradition. You don't start noise in a public place(unless it's a stadium or a festival of some sort) until noon. If it's Saturday, fine, I'll accept it. I'll still hate you for it, but I'll accept it. If you do it on a Sunday then you're a piece of shit and I'll hate you for a long time for it, including those participating in the event, thus meaning the cyclists. So congrats guys, I hate you all. Not only for your stupidity in traffic, but also how manage to piss me off while I'm not driving. Fuck you all!

Until later, drinkers.

Sweden isn't all that bad + transfer "news"

So, silly season is on, with the media enjoying football players who doesn't know what to say or they say it in a way that allows the media whores to interpret it exactly the way they want to. For instance if Fabregas said "Barcelona is a very good club"(which would be true, considering them taking the treble...) The Sun will write "Fabregas soon to sign for Barcelona". That's basically what it's all about, and until you see the player standing photographed with his new club shirt in his hand with his new manager, you can't trust a word of what is said. It's not because it's a conspiracy theory, but it's basically that 90% of what is in the media today is bullshit or not interesting at all.

In other news, Sweden fucking rules. Ok, maybe not rules, but I have to give them some credit. In Malmö they have now allowed women to bathe topless in public swimmingpools. It's fucking epic. It's fucking fantastic. Why isnt' this legal everywhere? Ok, so odds are that only 40+ women who have had a minimum of 4 kids that have been breastfed will be going topless, and the chance for Megan Fox looking women going topless there are close to none(however, you never know with Sweden), but still.
What are people afraid of? Are they afraid that breasts will be shown to kids? Is it because it's sexual? What if the kid is more into toes than tits? "Excuse me, miss. Will you please take som socks on? My son gets sexually aroused when he sees toes." Jesus Christ.

I vote for that we get this done here in Norway as well, and everywhere else in the world. If not because we find it sexy, then because equal rights. When there are men that have bigger breasts than Jordan before she took the silicon out(this is after), then why can't these poor women be allowed to show theirs as well.

In other more amusing news, reports from Tasmania say that Wallabies(not the Australian rugby team) are getting high on opium poppeys that are legally grown for the medical industry. They eat the flowers and then get high and jump around. Am I the only person that's picturing high wallabies jumping in poppey fields while "jump around" is played on a big stereo with a wallabie with a headset is scratching on records? I think that would be fucking awesome. If anyone knows anyone that can makes videos like this, tell them to do it. I want to see it...

Until next time, jumpers.

Kids? doesn't matter

I saw a movie today that almost sickened me, and I've seen a whole lot of weird and sick shit in my time. The movie(very strong pictures, but I guess you won't heed this warning...) shows a 14 yo girl being beaten and kicked and thrown to a concrete wall and down on the ground. As if that isn't sickening enough, the attacker is a 15yo school mate(also girl), and they know each other. She picked her up at a mutual friend's place and asked her to go with her and her friends to a youth club. On the way she hits her with a plank(not shown on the video) and starts to kick and hit. As if all this doesn't make your stomach convulse and vomit, a 16yo girl films the entire thing(and later puts it on youtube. Video is now pulled) and a 17yo lad is filmed as he stands 2-3 meters away, just watching and smoking his fag.

The whole situation is so bizarre and surreal that if I hadn't seen the video myself I would have difficulties believing it, but there it is. All filmed on a mobile camera. In the report on VG-Nett the prosecutor says he might consider taking them in for some sort of counselling thing, thus settling it out of court and giving them a suspended sentence. Fucking why? It's obviously carefully planned and premeditated. If an adult had done this then they would have been sentenced to real hard time and people would demanding their heads on a plate. Why should we make a differnce? Just because they're kids? They aren't kids, they are youths. The fact that they placed it out on youtube means that it wasn't something that just happened and they regret it afterwards. They knew what they had done and was actually proud enough of what they had done that they posted it on the net.

So what should happen with these kids? Well, I think it's obvious that the 17 yo lad should be sentenced for assult, aggrevated or premeditated or whatever they call it and sent to jail for a fucking long time. Minimum time of 5 years should do the trick. Same for the 16yo girl, as I don't believe she is considered a minor when it comes to court, and even if she is that shouldn't mean shit in this case. When it comes to the 15yo I wouldn't mind sending her to prison either. A suspended sentence is basically a slap on the wrist and "don't do it again or we send you to jail". That's what you get when you're fighting drunk at 4 AM with the bastard that snuck ahead of you in the taxi line. Send her to prison for a year at least, hard time. Show her that no matter what you do, it will have consequenses for you, and something as serious as that should get bigger consequenses than hearing a copper say "Do you know what you did? Do you regret it? Good, then behave well for the next 7 years or so and you won't go to prison". I think they should be made an example of. I might sound like a dictator or something, but this is a trend that needs to be killed at the very start. As kids get to experience more violence through TV and games they also need to be taught that there is a very clear line between games and reality. Do this in GTA IV and you'll get busted, need to buy your weapons again. Do this in real life and your arse will go to jail.

Am I too harsh on these kids? I don't think so. Kids these days want to act as adults and live life as adults; drinking, smoking, sex and so on. Then let them feel that adult life isn't all drinking and partying. Show them that the moment you act like an adult you will feel the same consequenses as an adult. If I ever see something like that happen, I will have no problems punching them unconcious, even if they are 16. A hard punch to the back of the head on the girl with the cam, a leg break before a a jaw break on the lad and folded hands on the chin of the girl doing the beating. Learning them that you shouldn't start something unless you can handle the consequenses, even if the other one breaks the law as well.

Throw the rules out the window, odds are you'll go the same way too.
-Max Payne

A hard weekend

I fucking hate painting. I don't mean painting pretty pictures and all that(I can't paint pretty pictures even if my life depended on it), but painting walls and ceilings and stuff like that. It's fucking boring. And then when your arms grow tired after painting the ceiling, and every stroke of the brush you do begins to hurt like hell, that's fucking fantastic, isn't it? And then the paint begins to drip, and you're all fucked up. I fucking hate painting.

On to happier news, I was almost drunk on Friday=). Although when it goes to not so happy news I had a terrible hangover the day after. Once again, I slept at my cousin's place. I think that the place is cursed.

Last time I slept there I was woken by the fire alarm. This time, I was woken up by sound tests. They had this cycling event called The North Sea Ride(or something like that. Translating on a Sunday isn't all that easy) and Sandnes downtown was the finishing line. So of course they had a big stage there with a bundle of speakers. And then after 10 minutes of "Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey" they put on the theme music for "Pirates of the Caribbean". How wonderful isn't that? Bah. I hate cyclists now, even if I am one occasionally. Then we can have a syllogism to end today's event:

I hate cyclists
Sometimes I am a cyclist
I hate myself

In other news, inspired by my previous post I have now started Sarcasm News Network, basically a blog where I post 100% untrue news. It's only for entertainment and if you do believe it then I suggest you go shoot yourself. It will be update with the same interval as this blog i.e. whenever I feel like it.

Until later, news readers.

Sarcasm News Network(SNN): Al-Qaida feels the credit crunch

SNN: The terrorist organisation Al-Qaida is feeling the credit crunch like all other organisations and companies around the world. In an audio clip posted on a web site that Al-Qaida frequently use as a broadcasting site to the world, one of Al-Qaida's leaders, Mustafa Abu al-Yazid, says that insurgents in Afghanistan are struggling with a lack of resources and equipment, thus making them less effective in combat. al-Yazid urges sympathisers to give money to Al-Qaida so they can give the invading forces a proper fight again. Although the statement has yet to be verified, prominent figures in the world economy has already stated that something must be done about the situation.

Former ASU president Georgina V. Bash said that funds must be given to Al-Qaida so that the war in both Afghanistan and Iraq can continue.

The need for an enemy can not be underestimated. Not only is the weapons production a vital part of our economy, but over 1 million ASU citizens are employed in our armed forces, with many more civilians directly or indirectly employed by the Department of Defence.

Although Bash insisted that ASU need an enemy, he also states that it can not be anyone besides Al-Qaida.

Although there is the possibility that we can turn towards the communists states of China and North-Korea, they are not such ideal targets as Al-Qaida. Both these states have nuclear weapons and unless we can agree on terms during the war that nuclear weapons won't be used, which is highly unlikely since you can't trust a communist, fighting and hating communism is so 60's and 70's.

Other prominant figures in world economy has apperantly already been in contact with the World Bank and asking if there is a chance for Al-Qaida to be given a considerable loan for the war effort. Other suggestions are direct weapons support to Al-Qaida consisting of old Soviet tanks and ammunition.

Bash continues with that if Al-Qaida isn't given the proper support, soldiers deployed in Iraq and Afghanistan could be forced to return home, which will make it more difficult for their wives to have affairs with peace activists, or they could end up sitting in camp playing World of Warcraft all day long, something he describes as a fate worse than death.



P.S.: Everything except the two first sentences are complete bollocks and must not be taken serious under any circumstance. If done you really are the proof that survival of the fittest excists no more...

Nature goes against nature.

A gay penguin couple(!) in Bremerhaven Zoo in Germany(it just had to be the Germans, didn't it?) has actually adopted a penguin egg and hatched the chicken and are now taking care of it. Three years ago the zookeepers found out that all six penguins in the pen were male, even though they had been making nests and forming couples. Basically, the penguins turned gay and even when they got four female penguins from Sweden(and we all know Swedish chicks are extremely hot, so if there was any nationality that the femme pingouin had to come from to turn the gays around, it had to be Sweden) only one straight couple was formed.
The straight couple later got two eggs, and just like in the wild, they decided not to care about the second. The keepers got an idea; give the odd egg out to the gay couple. It was an instant sucess. The gay penguins did like the straight pengiuns did; held the egg warm and protected it. When the chicken hatched they begun feeding it, like any penguin parent would.

I say call child protection. We can't have gay penguins adopting poor defensless eggs just because some deranged perverted zoo keepers thinks it seems like a good idea. Think about the role models this little chick will have. Instead of getting both female and male impulses in it's life, it will only have male impulses and be forced to watch disgusting gay penguin sex. And what if this chick is released into the wild? It won't take long before every penguin in the colony knows that he/she has gay parents; two dads and no mother. The poor creature. I think it will be the victim of such a hard bullying that it's grades at school will drop severly. In worst case this could turn him into a suicide penguin.
The really scary scenario is if this penguin decides to ally itself with killer whales and help them become more effective at hunting penguins. We are talking about a traitor here.

I think it's for the pengiun's own good if we act now and as quickly as possible remove this poor chicken from it's unnatural parents and place it in a more normal enviornment. This is not something we can accept in a modern world where morals already are on a huge decline. This decadence can not be allowed to continue. We must stop this now. I call for all those who still has a moral view to march with me against this horrible place called a Zoo and free the poor prisoner from it's homosexual prison. He/she must be saved!

An eventful Bank Holiday Weekend

Bank Holiday weekend is over, and it's back to normal way of life, except I'm having my exams on Thursday and Monday. FUCK! I hate exams. Luckily these are only orals, so I it's possible to dig yourself out of the hole.

Friday consisted of work before heading up to my grandmother. Me, my mom, two uncles and an aunt helped her moving shit out of the living room. She's redecorating or whatever the word is. Basically we're tearing down the tapestry and pro's will arrive tomorrow(that's Tuesday) to put up some new shit. After moving shit out and tearing down some of the tapestry I was sent out to mow the lawn. Now, this isn't one of them small lawns that you see downtown where you can barely fit a grill and a table with four chairs. This lawn is part of a Caravan Park, meaning fucking big. Took me a good couple of hours on Friday and a good couple of hours today to get it done. If I had to do all that with one of those small ones instead of the tractor kind I guess I would be doing the shit all weekend, and not just a couple of hours.

But God damn it's boring work. You're just sitting there, following a trail and waiting for that loud fucking noise that tells you that it's full and needs to be emptied. And then suddenly it decides that now is a good time to stuff the "tunnel" from the knives to the bag in the back, leaving a trail of mushy grass behind you, which in turn requires you to stick your arm down and dig out the grass that's gotten stuck. And to top it all off I'm now heavily sun burned on my lower thighs. I had sunglasses and music so it wouldn't be a miserable time, but I forgot sunscreen. It hurts. It hurts really bad. Fucking sun. Why is it that you never notice the sunburns before it's too late? And people say that God doesn't have a sense of humour.

Saturday was a good day though. I spent most of the day with my cousin(after mowing the lawns at home YAY!) drinking beer and coke and playing Wii. Wii is a genious invention. Mostly we played Supersmash Bros Brawl. We played and drank until about 4 a.m. Had a look out the window and noticed it was beginning to brighten up. Never a good sign. Well, we passed the 10 hour mark at least and the day after(woke up at 2 p.m) we passed the 500 K.O. mark. Hoping to reach the 30 Hour mark next time.

Well, not much more to talk about. Until next time, Brawlers.