Lumberjacks and match report.

Ok. Boring stuff first. Arsenal lost.

On to happy news=). The Danish referee during Man Who - Arsenal yesterday has gone out to the newspapers today and answered to tripping ronnie's allegations of the referee being crap. The decisions he's probably pointing towards are two free kick claims from The Diver and a disallowed goal by Ryan Giggs. Obviously Mr. Fall fails to see that Giggs was offside and that he recieved close to none physical contact from the Arsenal defenders the two times he fell near the penalty box. I think it was great play by the referee to ignore the crybaby's whining and sitting on his arse after the decision went against him. I wondered if he shouted "If you don't give me a free kick I'll hold my breath until my face turns BLUE!" I wouldn't be one bit surprised.

As all Danish men the referee Claus Bo Larsen couldn't keep his mouth shut and commented that the tumbler put on the wrong pair of boots. Some might argue that it wasn't all that nice to say that to a dude with the mental mind of a 7yo, but then again as ronnie would have said it; "He started it!"

I had fun with a chainsaw today. No, I didn't head to town and massacred all those who didn't manage to run away(although it would be a bit fun, just to try it), I was cutting lumber. It might not sound exciting, but it's a hell of a workout. You can go to the gym all you want, but I have never experienced somethat that makes my thighs shake like that. You know you've put in a hard days work when you're so tired that suddenly all the muscles in your back starts wobbling like there's an earthquake going on or something. Ever had that feeling? It feels like your entire lower back is made of gelly and someone just slapped it. Shaking like hell and you're wondering what the hell is going on. Long time since I've been so tired in my entire body, and not just my legs. You can be out of breath exhausted after running a lot, or you can be my-body-won't-work exhausted. I'm on the last one, and in some weird sadistic feeling it feels wonderful. I've always known I'm strange...

A sign of good fortune?

An army of sheep led by a lion is better than an army of lions led by a sheep.
-Alexander the Great

As I've stated before, it's Spring and the sheep are thrusting out their lambs. Some have only one while some have two and others have three(that's how it goes around here). As we are required by law to brand all livestock with one piece in each ear(looks like this) it get's a bit boring when you have to stick 2 x 150 or so earpieces in lambs that are extremely unco-operative. Luckily we don't do it all in one, so usually it's about 20 lambs max each time. Still, it's not fun work. And if in case you wonder it doesn't hurt more than getting your ear pierced.

So, as I was sticking this piece of plastic through a lambs ear the little bastard decided that my leg was a great place to pee on. Yes, I got peed on by a lamb. I bet in some deranged culture that is looked on as a sign of good fortune, like I'm going to win millions or get straight A's on my upcoming exams or some shit like that, but to me it means exactly what it is: I need to wash my trousers because a little idiot didn't manage to keep it in until I was finished with him. We're talking about a procedure that takes maximum a minute, usually less. How hard is it to keep it in? Someone should teach him some manners. I doubt the idiot mom is going to do it.

Talking about sheep, the dudes at Trainline understands that sheep really are stupid.

Now go to bed and get some sleep...

A mixture of good and bad....

I don't know what to call this day, if it's a good day or bad day.

On the bright side Arsenal won 2-0 today over Boro, first time we've won since Gareth Southgate took over Boro. 6th time's the charm obviously. We also set a new record on number of clean sheets at home, 8, a record that has been standing for 102 years or so.
It was good to see Cesc score the two goals. In addition the whole team seemed to enjoy themselves out on the pitch. They passed the ball around, quick moves, one touch passes and everything you expect from an Arsenal side that is having fun. It's sad that Arshavin can't play against the Northeren Cunts(can't believe I visited that site just to get the link) on Wednesday, he was really in a cracking form today, doing tricks, running his arse off and giving nice passes, one which resulted in Cesc's first goal. Also Theo Walcott looked extremely lively today, terrorising Boro's left side. From an Arsenal point of view it was a very enjoyable game.

Only thing that annoyed me was a couple of passes and SKY's commentator Alan Smith's inability to pronounce Arshavin's name right. How difficult can it be when you're working for SKY Sports and your co commentator constantly pronounce "Arshavin" correct? "Arshavein" or soemthing like that was how it sounded. Jesus fucking Christ.

On the bad side, I have one of the worst hangovers in my life. Head hurts, stomach doesn't want food even though I'm hungry and I'm tired as hell. I'm not looking forward to work tomorrow, at least not if I'm in my current state. I will be going down to take some paracetamol, if I can find any. Imagine; Hangover + Alan Smith not being able to talk right + listening to Jamie Redknap in studio talking rubbish time and time again = One step below the step on the ladder of God's punishments where The Archangel goes down to Earth and kills the first born son in every house(I wonder if I would evade that one. I'm the first born son, but since I'm an only child I'm not exactly first, I'm the one and only. In the words of Jose Mourinho: I am the special one).

My mom's gone for one week on a holiday... Yehaw=)!!!

I have to find out what I want for dinner and make it myself... FUCK!

Frozen pizza's anyone?

Requesting a "female language" dictionary please.

The great question . . . which I have not been able to answer, despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, is `What does a woman want?

-Sigmun Freud

Is there a dictionary somewhere that explains in (preferably) simple words what women actually mean? It's not that I'm angry with women for saying strange things, but it's more that I'm frustrated over a lot of things women say because I have no idea how I should interpret it. What do they actually mean?

The reason I ask is because I'm a regular reader of the Norwegian FHM. In the magazine they ask six girls about a particular sex subject, and in the case in question it was about underwear. If a man actually buys a set of underwear for his girlfriends birthday(unless the shock of the man remembering the birthday don't kill her) AND if the set actually fits AND she likes it, it is one of the major accomplishments in history(maybe not, but you get my point). Anyway, I digress again.

The six girls were asked how the man should take off their underwear. One girl actaully managed to write down "With feeling/emotion(a bit unsure about what word to put in here, but the statement in Norwegian was "Med følelse")". That answer more or less made me think WTF?!? What the hell does she mean by that? Is this some sort of code that only women know, a sort of statement that requires a NASA supercomputer and five decrypters to decode. Could it be that it is a sort of code that if cracked by men it could turn the tides of the battle of the sexes just like the ENIGMA code in WWII?

On the other hand it could be just a statement from a very confused girl since the other five all answered "Quickly". I dunno. All I know is that talking to your girlfriend is like walking in a minefield. One wrong step and you can say good night to everything, or at least 1 week without sex.

Nothing much more interesting going on. Except it seems like Red Bull is going to be allowed in Norway now. Why do people specifically want Red Bull? It taste just like any other energy drink, except that Red Bull has some shit that will fuck up a healthy persons heart.

Also it seems like the Norwegian referee Terje Hauge got one of those canes that blind people use in the mail. I honestly think that if there is one ref in Norway that need it, it's him. He was awarded the "trophy" after a 1-1 draw in Trondheim. I didn't see the match, but I have no doubt he was as shait as ever in it. I think I have yet to see a match where that cunt(almost managed an entire blog without using the word. Close but no cigar) had a good match. The worst match was when Viking played Vålrenga in Stavanger. The useless cunt Martin Andresen, who is a bigger cunt(I'm sorry yet again, but he fucking deserves it) than ronnie, obviously fouled a Viking striker in the box. Everybody saw it, except Hauge. My uncle commented that he thought it was simply because it was Andresen that comitted the foul, and that that was enough. I wouldn't be surprised if it actually was that bad.

Hauge is a disgrace to every Norwegian referee on any football pitch, it be non league or World Cup, he will still make people say "A Norwegian ref? Is he just as bad as Hauge?" Thank you very much. Fucking wanker.

So long Hauge-haters.

I hate Silvestre...

The advantage of a bad memory is that one can enjoy the same good things for the first time several times.

-Nietzsche

I wish I had a bad memory. Then I could forget all about the match I saw today. I could forget all about how rubbish Arsenal were in defense. I could forget all about how the man Arseblog often calls "a fish faced cunt" appeared like a clown and an idiot tonight. I could forget all about how Arsenal yet again conceded a late goal to drop 2 points. Alas, my memory is so good that I will never forget how that fucker Silvestre time and time again lost the game for us.

I will be the firs to admit that we deserved fuck all tonight. The one point we got was pure luck. Well, mostly luck. Arshavin scored 4 goals, and his second and fourth were pretty good, nothing lucky about them, just pure skill and teamwork. His second was an absolute stunner, a goal that shows what his right foot is capable of. 18 yards or so out he shoots and curls it away from Pepe Reina into the side netting. I couldn't belive what I saw. The fourth goal was wonderful pairwork from him and Theo Walcott. It started with a pool corner and the ball was cleared out to Theo who had a run before he presented the ball for Arshavin who had the third of the pitch in front of him and only Reina between him and goal. He showed his skill by using his left foot this time to hammer it in the back of the net.
Those of you who don't know football should know that doing what he did with his left foot when he is a right footer takes a whole lot of skill. Make no mistake about it. Right then and there I thought all three points were coming down to London.

I know that nothing lasts forever, but it was obvious that it wasn't God that was doing the nightshift tonight. It was either a stoned Jesus or the Devil having a really rotten day. I honestly don't know what was going on in Arsenal's back four. Only Toure seemed somewhat stable. I can understand that Gibbs was a bit dodgy. He is just 18 and had his fourth PL start tonight. Place an inexperienced 18yo up against a pool team that has to win and you got a problem. Worst thing is that I can't blame Wenger either on that one. He had no options with all the current injuries. Sagna had a few mistakes, but he has missed a couple of games, so understandable.
Silvestre, however, have played several matches now and should be match fit. But he showed himself as useless. I could spend all night saying what he did wrong, but I'm gonna sum it up with useless. Useless clown. I hope Wenger buys Hangeland during the silly season.

I took a personality disorder test, just for fun. Seems like I'm moderate Obsessive Compulsive disorder(not surprisingly since I know that sometimes I can be a perfectionist) and moderate Schizotypal. I have no idea what that shit means but according to this test and some people I am moderately mildly schizophrenic. Meaning that the sequel to "Me, Myself and Irene" will be based upon my life...

I'm now sitting here with a big glass of scotch and trying to forget tonight's match. It probably won't work. Anyone got any shit they want to forget but can't and want to share(give yourself a bonus point if you tried to drink it away)?

Birthday part + drunk + fire alarm + sheep are crappy mothers = I honestly don't know...

So, a very eventful weekend for me. Full of ups and downs, that's for sure.

Friday
Invited to a birthday party to a friend of mine. It was pretty nice seeing everyone again, and I'm a bit surprised that I managed to find my way home again, or at least back to my cousins place. I took a bit too big a dip in the beer/whisky/rum. Or, maybe not a too big a dip, maybe just big enough, but if it had been any bigger, then it would have been a too big a dip. Anyway, I had fun. I had a lot of fun. Although I did meet a whole lot of disbelievers(utd. and pool fans. blærgh) with my socials skills I managed to get a long with them. Luckily they aren't like the 15yo kids that can only name one or two player on their team(usually ronnie and rooney or gerrard and torres). What's the matter with those kids? They think they are so smart and so cool because they like a team filled with cunts and wankers, but they can't see when the team they "support" play like shait. I can. Arsenal played shait yesterday. It was so bad watching it that I understood what getting your kidneys pulled out of your arse must feel like. And I can admit it. But these others "go with the flow" cunts they can't see when their team plays like shait. It's always the ref. Always some excuse. Never that ronnie shows himself for the useless cunt he really is, or rooney shows that he is the living proof of missing link.

Saturday
At 4 in the morning I finally went to bed in my cousins appartment. Although I wasn't very comfortable(forget the thick pillows underneath, was more or less sleeping on the floor) I still managed to sleep. Suddenly I wake up by this very annoying alarm clock. However, it wasn't an alarmclock, it was the fire alarm. My first thought(similar to a lot of others) was sort of like Begbie, only with a few different words.

"The fire alarm went off and no cunt leaves till we find out what cunt did it."

Not surprisingly, I didn't react. I actually didn't care even when my cousins boyfriend said there was a fire truck outside. Only when he said they were rolling out the second hose(and after getting kicked in the leg) I got up and slowly got dressed. I wasn't all too happy about going out at 8 in the morning after 3 1/2 hours sleep out in the cold. Seems like a dumb cunt on the top floor had forgotten that he had put on a gas grill the night before. Dumb fucker. He ought to pay me something. He ought to pay me a lot. Ruin a good night/morning sleep after I've been drinking just because he's a cunt. Although there was some smoke damage and a lot of water damage to the apartments below no one got hurt. I suspect something fishy. If he was going to go for something fishy couldn't he at least have done it in the afternoon or something? I bet he's a sp*rs supporter...

Sunday
Today we let the sheep and lambs out in the open for the first time this year. Most of you might think it's idyllic and nice to watch, but it isn't. It's fucking mayhem. Lambs can't find their mother, sheep can't find their kids and so forth. En result; a whole lot of noise and delays because you can't chase them further away until they have found eachother. It's annoying to say the least. Conclusion; sheep are fucking dumb and lambs are, if possible, dumber. It's like they compete about who can be the worst mother and who can be the most annoying child. Can't find eachother, won't find eachother, can't be bothered to find eachother. Put a fucking effort in it, will ya?

This is the reason I drink...

I laugh at Hugh "Get me a fuck ugly street girl" Grant and how to survive an argument with your girl

I'm almost beginning to enjoy the book now. Not because it's particulary good, but the image in my head of Hugh Grant getting owned in a discussion by a 12yo is actually pretty nice. I hope it's Hugh Grant that was in the movie, otherwise half of last time's blog and this is full of shit. Bah, who am I kidding. All my blog is full of shit...

Anyway, back to Mr. "Hooker". The fact that he is a lazy piece of rubbish dude with no target in his life and says he got a kid and an ex wife that took his car just to meet women, it reinstates my view on "Hooker man" as a person much worse than myself. At least I am honest when I talk to women.

This made me think. Maybe I should give you boys a sort of manual how to get good out of a discussion with your girlfriend/wife/whatever. We all know you can't win a discussion. Men will never have the last word. Anything a man says after a woman in a discussion is either continuing the discussion or starting on a new one. When it comes to arguing with women there is one thing that needs to be on your mind: Damage control. Make what you fucked up seem like collateral damage.

I had a mate who had some trouble with his exams, and he was afraid that he was going to fail and that would get him in deep shit from his girlfriend.
I told him to tell his girlfriend that he know he fucked up, but he was always trying to spend more time with her, thinking up new ways to surprise her and make her happy and so on. Even her female friends that sat around the table at the University said that that might actually work.
Keyword: guilt. You need to sound convincing, that it's true and so on. If he had just been spending time out drinking with his mates and getting home late and drunk and going to work and not spending time with her, he would have been fucked. Then it wouldn't have been a reason, it would have been an excuse. Two different things, at least in the female world. A good reason is a reason, a bad reason is an excuse. That's the difference. Make sure you guys take that down. Remember that.

When talking to a girl, you need to be diplomatic. Qui pro quo as Mr. Lecter said it so nicely. It's never her fault, even if it is her fault. If she crashed the car while driving 160 km/h in a 50km/h zone then it was the guys controlling the speed limit's fault for not putting it higher, the guys that made the road because it wasn't built for such speeds etc. Ok, I might be putting it a bit far, but you must never NEVER(I can't emphasize how important this is) blame her, even if it is her fault. If it is her fault you go straight to comforting her and tell her everything is going to be ok and you'll come up with a solution. If you go saying "Damn straight, bitch. You fucked up" you're pretty much fucked.

I think there's a conspiracy going on, amongst women. They learn their daughters how to win arguments and how to give us men guilt. Maybe it doesn't happen, but I wouldn't be a bit surprised if it actually does. Either that, or it's a gene thing that comes when you mix to X cromosones. Maybe that Y cromosne we guys got fucks up the argument part of our brain. I don't know.

Anyway, back to the men's way to victory.
Of course the safest way to avoid an argument is to not fuck up, but for some reason we got the Y cromosone and that will guarantee that on some stage you will fuck up. Maybe big time like flirting with the wrong girl, maybe medium time like answering truthfully when she asks "Do you think I'm fat?"(if you're dumb enough to answer yes on this you deserve all the hell you catch. In nature it's the smart ones that survive, not the idiots...) or small time like forgetting the aniversary for the first time you went to a chinese restaurant(I'll get to aniversaries in a bit). This time, the damage control will be premature. The more stuff you fuck up the more ammo she gets. If she has a lot of ammo she won't think twice about using it against you. In the words of Sky Sports' Andy Gray; "Make no mistake about it". The bigger the fuck up, the longer the ammo will last. Usually, you can do small time shit, like doing the dishes, laundry and clean(if you live together), pick her up at school/work(if you got a car) or one of the best bits; buy her a present for no reason at all. Doesn't need to be much. If you leave early for work or school, leave a red rose or something you bought the day before on the pillow, or take five minutes and write her a mail or text about how much you care about her. Girls have memory like elephants, if elephants have good memory that is.

I thought about going on, but it's now 22:41 and ARSENAL ARE THROUGH TO THE SEMI FINALS IN THE CHAMPIONS LEAGUE! FUCK YEAH!
Although Gallas, Djourou, Clichy and Sagna were out(three of them in the regular starting line up in the back four) with injury and Arshavin ineligable to play in the Champions League, we still won 3-0, making it 4-1 on aggregate.
First Theo Walcott scored a lovely little goal after using his speed and extreme skill to chip the ball over the goalkeeper like that. It might not sound like much, but Tony Adams confirmed that it takes some skill to do that.
Then in the second half Adebayor gets to be alone with the goalkeeper and slides the ball past him.
Thirdly, the ever important Theo Walcott was fouled inside the box. Linesman correctly signalling for penalty. Not unexpected, the Villareal players flocked around the ref and started using their mouth. For some reason Spanish and Italian teams have a strong belief that after the decision is made the ref will change his mind if you have good arguments. Sebastian Eguren was very active and deservedly got his second yellow card and was sent straight off. Cunt, cunt cunt. I laugh at the cunt. Robin van Persie struck the ball in the net from the spot, giving Arsenal it's guaranteed ticked into the semi's. It's fucking excellent.

I know I said I should talk more about how to "win" arguments with women, but fuck that. Arsenal are in the semi's. I couldn't care shit about winning arguments with girlfriends now. I don't care shit about anything right now, except to get this shit done and enjoy my whisky. Goodnight fuckers.

A little bit of everything today

So, we have a few things to talk about today, or I have a few things to write about and you have a few things to read.

Why does it seem that things makes more noise when it's late and you're going to bed? For instance, if you go to bed at 10 or 11, it seems like a normal routine. However, if you stay up late and it's 3 or 4, then the sink sounds like 30 B-17's flying in formation ready to bomb the shit out of someplace. As you brush your teeth the sound from the brush against your teeth sounds like a bundle of machine guns firing away at advancing enemies. And when you finally flush the toilet it sounds like someone dropped a nuclear(try to pronounce the word, George Bush...) bomb outside your front door. And as you walk from the bathroom the floor starts making sounds like old floor boards that are in every fucking horror movie you can find, even if there are no fucking floorboards. And don't even think about going up the stairs, that shit will wake the entire neighbourhood(if you live in a neighbourhood that is). Maybe it's God's way of telling you to get your arse in bed earlier. I wouldn't be one bit surprised if this is one of God's little jokes, just like chiuauas or republicans or women's football. Although someone should tell him that the republican joke has gone a bit too far.

I've also been studying, or reading a book since the curriculum is litterature. Now on the list is Nick Hornby's "About a boy". Most of you have probably heard about the movie or even seen it, and 75% of those that has heard about the movie and/or seen it probably have never heard about Nick Hornby. I like Nick Hornby. His book isn't particularly good, I'd rather read Paul Cartledge's book about Alexander the Great or a lot of other history books, but I like him because he writes about Arsenal. Or, at least he has mentioned Arsenal in his books(see, I managed to get Arsenal in here as well). I can't stop picturing Hugh Grant as I read the book, obviously because he starred in the movie(I think. Even if he didn't, I'm still picturing Hugh Grant) and as I read the book I dislike Hugh "Picking up street prostitutes in LA that look like men" Grant(for God's sake, man. Get a call girl). The main character starts off as a lazy ass cunt who doesn't care about anyone. I'm not finished with the book, so I bet "Will" will(heh) improve, but that won't change my mind about Hugh "I have not learned my lesson about street prostitutes and I will continue to star in shitty romantic comedies" Grant. To me, he is still a cunt. He's actually more of a cunt than when I begun reading the book. Maybe some Brits will start complaining about me lashing out on their hero. If so, wait, for there is more about British celebs.

Last week Sir Michael Parkinson lashed out against the media frenzy involving Jade Goody(I will desist from making any word plays, for now). For those of you who doesn't know who she is, she is a woman who joined the British celebrety Big Brother, got cancer, got married and then died. There is nothing wrong with the last three of them(although getting cancer and dying is a bit sad), but joining celebrety big brother is just plain stupid, no matter how desperate you are. Those who join any kind of reality show should get a foot so far up their arse that they taste nothing but rubber for a week.
The critique here isn't about goody Goody(damn. Sorry folks, couldn't help it. I am an insensitive bastard) herself, but the media. Since I am no celebrety I can't go out in the papers and TV and say it, so I'm just gonna say it here. The tabloids and paparazzis are nothing but vultures. No, that's not fair against vultures. Vultures eat dead animals and helps reduce the spread of diseases. The same with maggots and flies. Tabloids and paparazzis are worse than this. They are the biological terrorists that sits in their cave and create a virus as they splatter ugly people's faces on the front page of The Sun, News of the World(although these two papers have some amusing headlines every now and then) and Se&Hør(as it is illegal to ask someone to do something illegal, I'm gonna say that I wish someone blew their building up to bits. I'm not telling anyone to do it, but I'm not gonna cry if it happens. I think I'll actually laugh. Feel free to laugh with me). I know it's too big a hope that someone will end this, so I'm just gonna hope I get to be a celebrety and can tell all these magazines that wants an interview with me to fuck off. I think that would give me a very good feeling.

Now, on to something a bit amusing. I found a clip the other day. It's football, but it's the more amusing part of football. Basically, it's Galatasary and Fenerbache players fighting on the pitch. I find it highly amusing. A quote from the page I found it was

Sometimes cunts just isn't descriptive enough

or at least something like that. Someone also noted that football shouldn't be allowed in some countries. I just found it highly amusing. Shows that Turkey is a really shait country, at least when it comes to club football and keeping order on the pitch. I think they don't use teargas enough on the pitch sometimes. I wote for the ref to get a vial of pepperspray to use on players that complain too much. Should settle them down.

Until later folks.

Arsenal scrapping a 4-1 win and I'm still annoyed about commercials

So, Arsenal takes another step towards confirming their spot in next seasons Champions League and increasing their lead towards Villa to 8 points. With six matches left it is almost secure, but I think two more wins should more or less settle it, especially if Villa keeps dropping points. If not then 3 wins and a draw is all we need, but I doubt Villa will all remaining six games.

Mikael Silvestre AND Alex Song scores for Arsenal, IN THE SAME MATCH! I think I'm about to become religious or something. I bet if you had placed money on Arsenal winning 4-1, Silvestre scoring a goal and Song scoring the fourth goal in injury time you would have become a bloody millionaire, even if you had only placed a tenner on it. But we were still lucky, if you dismiss the fact that Djourou got a serious injury and we played a shait first half. Gibbs should have been sent off, and I think it was only because he is a really young player that he wasn't sent off, but considering it was Mike "The most pro Man U referee in the world and he is not afraid to show it" Riley refereeing, then I can't say I'm anything more than a bit surprised. He is the referee that can watch someone getting their leg broken on the pitch and then give the lad with the broken leg a yellow card for diving.

Once again, I'm annoyed at commercials. This time it's not because they are really really really REALLY poor, rubbish, crap, useless and makes me wanna lay down and cry while telling mommy to make the bad man stop. This time it is because it seems like every television channel seems to have a set time when they put on commercials, and they do it on the same time. Take 400 different channels and you can be damnes sure that 390 of these show commercials at the same time. Is this some sort of conspiracy that all the major TV networks have worked out to force me to watch the rubbish commercials that are on? Is it so that I'm gonna end up wanting to buy Herbal Essences because there are 6 women moaning like they have the orgasm of a lifetime on 390 different channels.
I wonder how they find these women. Do they go to men and ask "How well can your girlfriend fake an orgasm?" Would you be surprised? I bloody wouldn't.

That will be it for today. Leave any comments if you want to.

London, Londinium....

I'm pissed and I'm a bit pissed off(for those of you who write/talk American English, in British English pissed means drunk while pissed off means angry, mad etc.).

Ok, maybe not pissed or pissed off, but at least far from sober after a certain number of beers and cognacs and a bit humiliated and annoyed after a quiz I attended this evening. Why, you may wonder. Because my team and I ended up on a miserable 13th place. And if that wasn't bad enough, my mom's team won. That's right everyone; my mom beat me. It's fucking shait. If it had been like one point or two that separated us from eachother, it would have been ok, but since we ended up on 25 points and my mom's team won with 35, I don't have much of an excuse. We got trashed, simple as that. It was like watching Arsenal from the early 2000 seasons play against a bunch of homeless hobo's who had been offered two bottles of vodka each as long as they managed to drag their arses out on the pitch. It was bad. No, it was worse than bad, it was horrendous. After ending up on a shared second place last year this was more than a punch in the face. This was like almost winning the title last year and then ending up relegated the season after. I tell you, it's not a good feeling.

It's not that it means so much for me, it's just that when you're in a competition against your mum and you get such a beating like that it's a bit painful. I'll get over it tomorrow. Then the hangover will set in. Or, I will get over it until my mom starts reminding me about it again. Then I'll just show her the fine British salute of two fingers that I have learned her the meaning of.

And to top it all off there are three questions in the quiz that rather annoys me.
1. Who founded London?
The correct answer here was obviously the Romans, BUT the Romans founded Londinium, so the question is; is Londinium and London two different cities/places/towns?
2. What is the name of the moon closest to Pluto?
Here I need to consult an Astronomist. Since Pluto is no longer classified as a planet, can it then have moons?

I will need to consult both these questions with experts to see if I'm partly right about it. If so, the quiz master will have to recieve criticism and will be notified to check his sources better next time.

You might wonder why I actually do this. A sad answer would be "Because I have nothing better to do." A more angry answer would be more like "Because I'm gonna show the fucking cunt where he can stick those cunt questions of his." Neither of these are true. It is simply the most common answer ever: "Because I fucking can." It will make no effect at all. I won't gain 10 points on getting these two questions right. Actually, my team and my mums team answered the same on the second question in question(hehe), so I would gain 2 points as my mom's team would have one point deducted and we would gain a point. Maybe it is for personal pride and glory, I don't know and I don't fucking care. Call me a fighter for justice or mean bastard, I honestly don't care. I do this because I don't want to be wronged in a competition. I know that we got thrased this time, and technically I have no problems about it as long as people keeps their mouth shut. The answer the moment people responds is the somewhat childish, but still rather effective index and long finger pointed upwards in "V". Maybe childish and immature, but tell that to someone who gives a fuck. I fucking don't.

A whole lot of cunts and wankers....

So, after finally seeing "Trainspotting" I have a sudden urge to scream out "cunt" time and time again. To quote Begbie played by Robert Carlyle after he threw a glass down on a girl below him.

"The lassie got glassed and no cunt leaves here till we find out what cunt did it."

Saying the direct translation of "cunt"(fitta) in Norwegian doesn't sound that well. You can call both men and women for cunt in English e.g. Cashley Cunt Cole(Ashley Cole), but you can't say the same in Norwegian. You can, but it doesn't havve the same flow as it does in English. It's the same with "wanker". You can call everyone a wanker in English, unless you're talking to an American because they won't have a fucking clue what your talking about. The Americans didn't only cock up the English language, but they also managed to cock up democracy. Obvious that there are some things you can't export over the Atlantic. Anyway, I digress.

Wanker is an excellent word. It's just rude enough to make people see your point, but you can call your mate a wanker as well, in certain situations taht is, but it's not so rude that you'll get beat up because of it, most of the times. Meet the right cunt and call him a wanker and he'll probably send you to the floor, or girl if you are a 5ft 100lb dude.

Anyway, enough about wankers and cunts, at least the words anyway. How about I talk about a group of people that sends 11 cunts on a football pitch at the same time, like manchester utd. They fucked up against Porto yesterday in the Champions League. Porto is considered the weakest left in the Champions League, and still utd. only manage to scrap a 2-2 draw at home against them. That said they can easily give Porto in the return match, but come on. This is fucking Porto we're talking about. Porto! Now those of you that follow football will probably start whining that Porto ended up above Arsenal in the group stages and so forth, but in the group stages you can actually afford to put the foot off the pedal for a game or two. You can't do that in the knock outs. So there is still hope for us that utd. will get thrown out of the Champions League like they deserve, and eventually loose the Premier League to Liverpool. Should that happen and Arsenal win Champions League and the FA cup this will be a pretty good season.

In other news, I'm still sick and I'm getting fucking tired of it. The bright side I'm going on a quiz tomorrow and gonna answer gossip questions as I drink beer and probably cognac. Hopefully I won't get so drunk that I start to believe that Barack Obama is a white guy that has spent too much time in a tanning salon or something like that. I have yet to drink that much, so I see no reason why I should start doing it now. I guess you probably have to move to the weed and stronger stuff before you get to think that. I certainly didn't.

For some commercial in the end I will recommend Christina's blog "Mine dager", written in Norwegian. So long... wankers.

Arsenal wins and ronnie remains a cunt

Arsenal won 2-0 yesterday over Man. City. The Arabs got a good hammering from us where Cesc Fabregas and Adebayor both played in their first match after injury. Even better was that Cesc provided two assists to Adebayor making the comeback more spectacular. We now have a 6 point lead over Aston Villa when it comes to the 4th spot(which will give us Champions League), although it is still not time to relax.

Today Villa lost 3-2 against Man. Utd, a team filled with cunts and especially the "fabulous" ronaldo. So he has won the Footballer of the year award a couple of times and scored a heap of goals, so fucking what. He is still a cunt. The way he acts on the pitch and the way he acts off the pitch. He is a lazy whining cunt that's just playing for his own personal glory, and not the glory of the team. If it hadn't been for a good centra defence in Vidic and Ferdinand Utd. would be struggling further down on the table. Today they struggled like hell against Villa, conceeding two goals from crosses, showing how vulnerable they are in the air without the two starting central defenders. ronnie would be fuck all without them. When he is tackled cleanly he either wriggles in "pain"(the pain being that he failed to get a free kick again) or he just sits there like a 4yo that has just been told by his parents that he won't be allowed to play with his favourite truck in the sandbox. It seriously looked like he was going to cry several times. Football is a physical sport and you have to be aware that every now and again someone will bump into you. If you act like a primadonna(like ronnie) you shouldn't be playing, and certainly not in the Premier League which is very physical compared to the other European leagues. I hope he will fuck off down to Spain and La Liga so that I don't have to see the sorry cunt's face ever again. If the plane crashes as he's going down there that would be fine too.

Some people say that ronnie is better than Henry at his peak. I don't know wheter to laugh or cry at that statement. Should I laugh at their total lack of knowledge about football or should I cry because someone as stupid as that are allowed to speak their opinions? Ok, maybe they aren't stupid, but they certainly don't know football. What's next? ronnie better than Zidane, Maradona and God combined?

"God created the Earth."
"Oh yeah, well Ronaldo scored 35 PL goals in one season."

I wouldn't be surprised if I ever heard that comment. I hope if he stays one more season at Utd. he gets a total meltdown and gets a red straight red every match he playes, scores no goals and begins to cry every time he gets sent off. If that happens there can be no doubt that there actually is a God and that he cares about football.

In other news I'm still sick with a nose running like a bunch of 15yo girls to a Westlife reunion concert, although without the screaming and throwing of underwear. I'm allowed to suffer in peace. I also cough every now and then, but no blood so far. Although I bite my tongue the other night which made a bit concerned as I brushed my teeth the morning after. Was beginning to wonder if I had gotten TB or something. The tabloids would love that.

"The common cold can evolve into DEADLY TUBERCULOSIS!!!!" would probably be the headline. Then all the experts would deny it and people would say it's the government trying to avoid a panic. Either that or we'd all ignore it because now a days everything kills you. Next thing will probably be that regular air kills you. The amount of nitrogen in the air could be lethal or something like that. And we get cancer from everything now, so maybe we should all just kill ourselves so we don't die from that....

I'm free... almost

So, the Easter holiday is here. The week where we celebrate that Jesus got himself nailed up to two pieces of wood and was left hanging like the "Y" dude in Y-M-C-A to die for our sins. The dying part is not all that hype. People die everyday. But to have your picture painted/drawn time and time again posing you as the Y in Village People while you look like a stoned hippie that has passed out, that takes guts. That's a bigger sacrifice than anyone can imagine.

"Will you give your life for me?"
"Sure thing, love. You know I'll do anything for you."
"Even get your picture taken as you are standing like the dude doing the Y in Village People?"
"Ummm....."

Well, that is if you believe in that. Hopefully I'll get a lot of radical Christians complaining "You do blasphemy. God will punish you!" Should that happen it is obvious that God has already punished me by sending these idiots after me. Hmmm, maybe I should post a link to this blog in some religious site. That would be rather fun. Then I could do blasphemy all Easter. Would certainly keep me occupied.

Well, if you're Jewish you're probably celebrating Moses leading the Jews out of Egypt and into the desert. Come to think about it, all the pictures I've seen of Moses he reminds me of Leo from "That 70's show", but with shorter hair and greyer, meaning that he looks like a 60 yo hippie. It does make sense though. Who would lead a bunch of people into the desert if he wasn't stoned out of his mind(or insane. Take your pick)? A bit funny though. Most of the people in the Bible looks like hippies in the paintings we got today. Maybe that's a clue? Maybe that's God's way of telling us to legalise cannabis. Maybe that was the 11th commandment that got lost. "Thou shall smoke weed at least once a week." Would certainly put fuel on fire for those who believe God is black.

"Tell me God, why seems everything so formal in the Bible?"
"I dunno, niggah. Those weird ass crackas just wrote it like that. Tried to give 'em some of the good stuff to lighten their mood, but they said no. Dumb ass crackas." or something like that. It would be pretty cool though.

In other news, I've still got a cold, although not as bad as yesterday, but shit still sux. Not much interesting going around in the world. Of course there's the hostage thing that is now over in New York, but call me a bastard because I can't be bothered.
I'm now gonna try out Gabriel Knight too see if it's any good. So long.

Shit sux and Mourinho is Jesus....

I'm worse today than I was yesterday. Sore throat, tired but not sleepy and it feels like someone put two huge winecorks up my nose and punched them hard up. I feel like shit. Shit sux. Good news is that at 14:10 tomorrow I move into my Easter holiday. That's gonna be relaxing. Just sit and do nothing. Basically it will be the same that I'm doing now, but I won't feel bad about it when I do it.

It's soon summer, meaning I won't be studying and since I currently work at a school I won't have a job either(great planning, eh?). So, what should I do then? I have no idea. Currently registered my CV with Adecco so they will contact me within 3 work days to see what my possibilities are. I would guess they are rather slim to be honest, but who knows. Maybe some rich idiot wants me to teach his useless kid about something, or maybe they need a substitute at a bootcamp for kids that doesn't behave very well, you know the army kind of bootcamp where they break you down. I would have been pretty good at that.

Onto the always entertaining Jose Mourinho. His last statement when confronted with people not liking him he said "Not even Jesus Christ was liked by everyone." You have to love The Special One(in a friendly and purely hetrosexual way). It's difficult to find any football manager that can make football into a bigger circus than it already is, and Mourinho does it in a good way. He has a tendency to piss everyone off and yet he manages to make most of fans everywhere laugh. You can hate the bugger, but you can't deny that he is hillarious. He might seem a bit cocky when he said that first there is God, then there is me, but that's the thing with Jose; he says what he wants to say even if it makes the pope excommunicate him. Too bad Abramovich stuck his nose too far into the club's affairs and got him sacked, and instead got two useless coaches, which he have both sacked. I'm still waiting to see what Hiddink can do with the The Blues...

That's it for now. I'm off to watch Eleventh Hour.

Norway scrapping a 3-2 victory

As a Norwegian and a football fan I'm afraid parts of my blog will contain football, and tonight it's all about Norway beating Finland 3-2(although there will be other things later on).

Egil "Drillo" Olsen has taken over Norway, again, and his first two matches before tonight was rather different. Beating Germany 1-0 in Germany(can't remember where they played) before being humiliated by the big football nation South Africa 2-1.

Drillo brought us to second place on the FIFA ranking, on paper making us the second best footballing nation in the world. He also did a lot of other cool shit for us. The important thing to note however is that during his reign he hadn't been beaten for 11 years running at Ullevaall, making it a rather big fortress to come to.

So today he was back in the dugout again, this time meeting Finland. Now, it must be said that Finland isn't a puny nation. Although they just barely managed to score the two goals against Wales, they still have a lot of profiles, Hypia probably being the biggest.

It started wonderful for Norway after they conceeded a goal after slopppy, sloppy, SLOPPY play basically all over the pitch. Even if they had their chances up front, and should have scored first, crappy defense gave us a punch in the face.

After half time Drillo obviously gave them a verbal beating, and 10 minutes after John Arne Riise were given time and a clear sight to the goal at the edge of the box after a cross missed everyone and hammered in 1-1 with his "famous" left leg. A nice shot to be honest, even if I was disgusted after seeing his mom in the stands. Would you believe me when I said that she is his and his brother's agent(don't know if she's still the agent of John Arne)? And she complains as much as any agent in the media as well, making her a full time cunt.

Then with 89 minutes on the clock Norway managed to fumble in a 2-1 lead. It wasn't pretty, but it was a goal. 3 minutes added time. Then Norway gave a show worthy of a bunch of 11 yo playing for fun. Crappy defense once again gave Finland an equaliser. I wonder how it is possible.

However, they salvaged the win after Gamst Pedersen(the Blackburn player who probably uses more time fixing his hair than playing on the pitch) fired an absolute cracker some 20 meters out.
If that wasn't good enough during the celebration he punched the air the way you do when you show someone the finger(or two if you do it England style). He also placed his hand behind his ears, basically telling them "Where's your complaining now?" The post match commentators gave him a hard time for this, saying something like
"Even if the fans were whisteling on the team and showing their disgust for a lousy performance, he shouldn't do that. That's not the way to act."

Fuck off. That's exactly the way to do it. Not only do you show that you can do it, that you can score a goal, but you emphasize it by almost showing them the finger(or almost). If say that a dude is gay and he counters by hooking up with the hottest chick in the city(although we all know that Cashley Cunt Cole is secretly gay) the "gay" dude is fully allowed to show you the finger. You tell someone they can't do it, they do it, and you recieve the finger in the end for your stupidity.

That said, there was a reason the supporters were complaining. The lads played rubbish and didn't do what Drillo had told them to do. They ran around like the Newcastle defense when they visited Emirates earlier this season. If it hadn't been for a good Bjørn Helge Riise(yes, the younger brother of John Arne) working hard as a defensive midfielder(reminded me a lot of Matthieu Flamini, although not as good) the score would have been a lot worse for Norway's part. If he continues to perform like that in international matches, and especially against Scotland, I wouldn't be surprised to see him taking a trip to PL soon. He got some good potential, and if that SMS(I can tell you lot about that later) sending brother of his can do it, then I see no reason why he can't.

Enough football, let's talk about me. I woke up sick today. Felt like I had a splinter in my mouth annoying me that wouldn't move no matter what or how much I drank. Think it's gone now, but still bloody annoying. I hate being sick. Come to think of it, maybe a good whisky could have solved it. By the way, to all you who think I drink Jack Daniels, I can assure you that I've tried it once and will probably never try it again. It's whisky for newbies, those who have never tried whisky or cognac before and if you drink it more than five times but can't move on to proper whisky(everything from Ireland or Scotland) you should be ashamed of yourself and go back to beer and wine.

It's spring, and the nice weather is coming along, well everywhere except here it seems. The weather here is fucking shait, and someone should give God a kick in the arse for not giving us a better climate. Spring equals sun, not rain rain and more fucking rain followed by winds that will tear up mountains.

With spring you also get lambs. Those that live in the city probably now think "Awww, the cute little lambs running around and being super cute." Here's the reality; they are dumb, stupid and ignorant. Lambs are wolf in sheep's clothes. I'm not kidding, they fucking are. They run around and piss and shit everywhere, and they are annoying in every possible way. It is actually nice to see the big truck drive away filled with lambs going straight to the slaughter house. I prefer a lamb medium done on my plate rather than a lamb running around "being cute".

Maybe I'll have something more interesting tomorrow...