I laugh at Hugh "Get me a fuck ugly street girl" Grant and how to survive an argument with your girl

I'm almost beginning to enjoy the book now. Not because it's particulary good, but the image in my head of Hugh Grant getting owned in a discussion by a 12yo is actually pretty nice. I hope it's Hugh Grant that was in the movie, otherwise half of last time's blog and this is full of shit. Bah, who am I kidding. All my blog is full of shit...

Anyway, back to Mr. "Hooker". The fact that he is a lazy piece of rubbish dude with no target in his life and says he got a kid and an ex wife that took his car just to meet women, it reinstates my view on "Hooker man" as a person much worse than myself. At least I am honest when I talk to women.

This made me think. Maybe I should give you boys a sort of manual how to get good out of a discussion with your girlfriend/wife/whatever. We all know you can't win a discussion. Men will never have the last word. Anything a man says after a woman in a discussion is either continuing the discussion or starting on a new one. When it comes to arguing with women there is one thing that needs to be on your mind: Damage control. Make what you fucked up seem like collateral damage.

I had a mate who had some trouble with his exams, and he was afraid that he was going to fail and that would get him in deep shit from his girlfriend.
I told him to tell his girlfriend that he know he fucked up, but he was always trying to spend more time with her, thinking up new ways to surprise her and make her happy and so on. Even her female friends that sat around the table at the University said that that might actually work.
Keyword: guilt. You need to sound convincing, that it's true and so on. If he had just been spending time out drinking with his mates and getting home late and drunk and going to work and not spending time with her, he would have been fucked. Then it wouldn't have been a reason, it would have been an excuse. Two different things, at least in the female world. A good reason is a reason, a bad reason is an excuse. That's the difference. Make sure you guys take that down. Remember that.

When talking to a girl, you need to be diplomatic. Qui pro quo as Mr. Lecter said it so nicely. It's never her fault, even if it is her fault. If she crashed the car while driving 160 km/h in a 50km/h zone then it was the guys controlling the speed limit's fault for not putting it higher, the guys that made the road because it wasn't built for such speeds etc. Ok, I might be putting it a bit far, but you must never NEVER(I can't emphasize how important this is) blame her, even if it is her fault. If it is her fault you go straight to comforting her and tell her everything is going to be ok and you'll come up with a solution. If you go saying "Damn straight, bitch. You fucked up" you're pretty much fucked.

I think there's a conspiracy going on, amongst women. They learn their daughters how to win arguments and how to give us men guilt. Maybe it doesn't happen, but I wouldn't be a bit surprised if it actually does. Either that, or it's a gene thing that comes when you mix to X cromosones. Maybe that Y cromosne we guys got fucks up the argument part of our brain. I don't know.

Anyway, back to the men's way to victory.
Of course the safest way to avoid an argument is to not fuck up, but for some reason we got the Y cromosone and that will guarantee that on some stage you will fuck up. Maybe big time like flirting with the wrong girl, maybe medium time like answering truthfully when she asks "Do you think I'm fat?"(if you're dumb enough to answer yes on this you deserve all the hell you catch. In nature it's the smart ones that survive, not the idiots...) or small time like forgetting the aniversary for the first time you went to a chinese restaurant(I'll get to aniversaries in a bit). This time, the damage control will be premature. The more stuff you fuck up the more ammo she gets. If she has a lot of ammo she won't think twice about using it against you. In the words of Sky Sports' Andy Gray; "Make no mistake about it". The bigger the fuck up, the longer the ammo will last. Usually, you can do small time shit, like doing the dishes, laundry and clean(if you live together), pick her up at school/work(if you got a car) or one of the best bits; buy her a present for no reason at all. Doesn't need to be much. If you leave early for work or school, leave a red rose or something you bought the day before on the pillow, or take five minutes and write her a mail or text about how much you care about her. Girls have memory like elephants, if elephants have good memory that is.

I thought about going on, but it's now 22:41 and ARSENAL ARE THROUGH TO THE SEMI FINALS IN THE CHAMPIONS LEAGUE! FUCK YEAH!
Although Gallas, Djourou, Clichy and Sagna were out(three of them in the regular starting line up in the back four) with injury and Arshavin ineligable to play in the Champions League, we still won 3-0, making it 4-1 on aggregate.
First Theo Walcott scored a lovely little goal after using his speed and extreme skill to chip the ball over the goalkeeper like that. It might not sound like much, but Tony Adams confirmed that it takes some skill to do that.
Then in the second half Adebayor gets to be alone with the goalkeeper and slides the ball past him.
Thirdly, the ever important Theo Walcott was fouled inside the box. Linesman correctly signalling for penalty. Not unexpected, the Villareal players flocked around the ref and started using their mouth. For some reason Spanish and Italian teams have a strong belief that after the decision is made the ref will change his mind if you have good arguments. Sebastian Eguren was very active and deservedly got his second yellow card and was sent straight off. Cunt, cunt cunt. I laugh at the cunt. Robin van Persie struck the ball in the net from the spot, giving Arsenal it's guaranteed ticked into the semi's. It's fucking excellent.

I know I said I should talk more about how to "win" arguments with women, but fuck that. Arsenal are in the semi's. I couldn't care shit about winning arguments with girlfriends now. I don't care shit about anything right now, except to get this shit done and enjoy my whisky. Goodnight fuckers.